Well, it's been a long time since I've written. I apologize for that. Once I got to Houston and started the radiation therapy, life took on a whole other dimension! The treatment wasn't too bad for the first 2 weeks, but the side effects gradually got worse, and by the 5th week, I was in bed most of the time. By the time I left and came back to Austin, I was one sick little girl! My sister came to stay with me for the last couple of days and then helped me pack up and move all my stuff home. Bless her heart, she was such a help and I was so thankful she was there! I honestly don't know how I'd have done it without her. Another addition to the Blessing List!
And my friend Kelley came from Dallas two times to stay with me. She came the first week and helped me move in and get set up. She bought me tons of supplies and pj's to wear (which I have a LOT!). Then she came back towards the end and stayed with me for the week and just helped me get to where I needed to go and took care of me. She is another HUGE blessing in my life!
The last couple of weeks in Houston, and the first about 4 weeks back home were really rough. I was in bed most of the time. There were all kinds of bad side effects and pain (second degree radiation burns on my neck and my throat had all kinds of burns and sores). I'll spare you any more details. During that time I couldn't eat and barely got water down. Looking back, I honestly don't know how I stayed alive. Well, of course I do. God did that. But I literally had no food in my body for at least 6 weeks, and the only thing I drank was water. And apparently not enough of that! I had 6 bags of IV fluid at the hospital over the last couple of weeks in Houston, and I probably should have had some when I got home. But because Travis County decided I made too much money on my disability payments, they cut off my health insurance and I have no coverage. So I couldn't go to the hospital. But, as always, the Lord took care of me and pulled me through! Blessing after blessing!
As time has gone on, I've gotten better and better. I spent 10 days in Midland with my family and friends at the end of April and, I don't know whether it was just being with them, or if it was just my body healing, but I turned the corner while I was there. I began to eat! And could keep it down! PRAISE THE LORD!
In mid June, my sister had her reconstruction surgery and right about that time, I started getting my energy back. I was able to be at the hospital most the time she was in, then stayed with her the first 4 days she was home. It seems that when she didn't have energy going through a mastectomy, chemo and radiation, I did and could help her. Then when I didn't have energy going through all my treatment, she did and could help me. And then again, when she had her reconstruction surgery, the Lord restored my energy so I could help her! Isn't He awesome?!?!
I've gotten more and more of my energy back every day. I'm probably at 85% now. I usually have quite a bit during the day, but as the evening shadows lengthen, my energy leaves me, and by 10:00 I am so ready for bed!
The side effects are slowly going away. I still have decreased saliva and probably always will. My doctor was AMAZING and set the proton beams for radiation to kill the cancer, but he saved my eyesight, sense of smell, hearing, and taste. But he couldn't get around the salivary glands. Oh well. Lots of people live with dry mouth. It just means I drink more water, which is a good thing! I've been going to acupuncture which is supposed to stimulate them, so we'll see. I will probably always have ringing in my ears (from the chemo), but again, big whoop. Lots of people live with that every day.
I have lymphadema (from radiation) in the front of my neck which makes me look like I have a turkey waddle, but the hospital (MDA of course) set me up with a specialist that made this lovely contraption for me to wear to sleep in and gave me massages to do every night to make it eventually go away. Minor stuff. The contraption I have to wear is so attractive that I thought about wearing it in public, but then decided I would have to literally beat the men off with a stick if they saw me. It's that attractive!
Because my sinuses were so radiated, they are inflamed and are producing large amounts of mucus. All that means is that I can't eat a lot of dairy because that causes your body to produce more mucus. But they tell me this will eventually go away. I also have inflamed tissue around my ears which has caused my ears to trap the fluid that's draining from my sinuses. I made a quick trip to MDA a couple of weeks ago and had tubes put in my ears. They're much better now. :-) This too shall pass.
My mouth is regrowing taste buds and not everything tastes like it used to, but more and more things are tasting good again. I still can't eat anything with a lot of spice. I guess the taste buds are like a baby's mouth and they're new and raw. Don't worry, I'll get 'em toughened up!
But there's always a blessing in everything we encounter. Because of how sick I was and all these dietary restrictions, I've lost over 60 lbs and feel great! I'm excited to get a job so I can afford a gym and start working out! And don't tell me I can work out without a gym. It's just too dang hot for that! But I am happy with the weight loss and am doing my best to lose more.
Last night I went to a dinner for all the women I'm in an evening Bible study with. We got to talking about life things and God things, and I realized, again, how blessed I have been. I had the best treatment, from the best cancer doctors, in the best cancer hospital in the WORLD, and I got it all for free!! And you can say whatever you want, but I am certain He kept me from finding a job for those 3 years prior to the cancer diagnosis so that I could get to know Him more, build His relationship with me, and build my faith so that I would be prepared for this cancer journey. And I'm so glad He did! I honestly don't know how people go through things like this without a relationship with the Lord. I know I couldn't have done it without Him.
I was telling the ladies last night that, at one point during this journey, I was granted everything I asked for in prayer. I wanted to get into MDA. I got in. I wanted to get proton therapy. I got proton therapy (which saved my senses like hearing and taste and smell!). I wanted to live in that nice apartment but not have my friend pay for it. I got that too.
Once, towards the end of treatment when I was really really sick, I had to go to radiation therapy and I had been so sick all morning. I'd been vomiting and just felt horrible in general! I was terrified that I would get sick while I was bolted down to that table in radiation and would choke and die right there! Plus, the burns on my neck were really bad (blisters) at that point and the mask rubbed them. It was very painful. So, as I was being "bolted down" to the table, I started to pray. I asked God to get me through this and to keep His hand on me. To give me His peace. I started praying the Lord's prayer. And in the middle of it, I fell asleep! God gave me the peace I'd been asking for in a BIG dose in the form of sleep! I woke up at some point and realized what He'd done and also realized I hadn't finished the prayer. So I did. And fell right back asleep. The only time I woke up through that whole treatment (about an hour) was when they moved the table to re-position it, but then fell right back to sleep. I slept through the whole thing! Now THAT'S peace! I can tell story after story of how the Lord has blessed me through all of this. He has been so present and visable! I am stunned and amazed when I look back at all of it!
As of May 15th, I am officially Cancer Free! I don't have cancer anymore! The scans showed that it was all gone! PRAISE THE LORD! It's taken several months for that to sink in and, to be truthful, I'm still a little afraid that it might come back. But I keep praying for God to keep me healthy and well and let it never come back again!
Recently, I have learned that a friend of mine is not doing well with her cancer battle. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2011 (I was diagnosed in August 2011). She was going through chemo just as I was starting it and she used to send me positive comments and posts through FB as well as another Equestrian site we belong to. Her positive attitude was such a blessing and encouragement to me and it really helped me! After she was done with chemo in December, they did the usual MRI scan and found more cancer, this time in her bones. And it had spread to the other side of her chest.
Since then, she has fought a hard battle, getting radiation on her chest as well as on her hip and pelvic bones. Another scan a couple of months ago indicated tiny tumors on her brain, so she went through a round of brain radiation for 4 weeks. On top of all that, she's been getting chemo every 3 weeks since January. Now she's in the hospital because her red and white cell count is so low. She has literally NO energy and they're moving her to a rehab hospital to help her build strength. They have told her she will never work again. She is 5 classes away from getting her degree in Psychology. She was so excited about finishing and going into the Psychology field.
In the meantime, she has found a new home for all her horses and dogs. But that means when she gets home, there will be no one to great her and keep her company on those long days when all you can do is lay in bed. There will be no horsey kisses waiting for her when she feels good enough to go see the horses. They were her babies like mine are to me. This breaks my heart, almost as much as the treatment she's going through. I know how hard that decision must have been for her and it literally makes me cry for her.
And it scares me. That could have been me. Could I have let go of my animals and given them to someone else for their own good? Could I have fought as long and hard as she has? Could I have made those hard decisions? I honestly don't know. All I keep thinking is, "There but for the Grace of God go I." I praise God that He didn't put me in that position.
My heart is breaking for her because I love her and I don't want her to go through this. I want her to get well and get on with her life. Like I am. And I pray that God answers this prayer too. Just like all the other ones He's answered. I will keep praying for her because that's all I can do. But my heart is breaking.
And even in times like this, I have to remember my blessings. Like Pam wrote in one of her blogs, I have so many blessings in my life, and through this journey, I have so many more, including all the friends that have surrounded me and supported me and lifted me up during this last year. I am so thankful for them!! If I had it to do all over again, would I? As Pam says, NO WAY! But I'd sure keep the blessings. :-)
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